saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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