Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
