You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
