Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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