I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
