considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
