That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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