Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
