Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
