I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
