I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
