Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize