Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
