You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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