Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
