so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
