the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
