were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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