I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize