yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
