he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
