There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
