I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
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