Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
