Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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