nut hugger
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
