I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
