did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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