What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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