Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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