i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
