AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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