but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
