I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
