i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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