I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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