Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
