oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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