Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
