I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
