I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize