My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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