Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
