she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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