i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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