so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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