fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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