I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
