the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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