On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
