She is in my trunk
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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