all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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