That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
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APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
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he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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