i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
