My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
