It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
