i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
