Already got asked if we're dating
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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