His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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