Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
