Will you blow on my dice?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
