you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
