we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i will never coherently bang her
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
