The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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