i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
