you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
