Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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