At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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