Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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