i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
